


Forbidden gushers

by PastelPenguins



Series: Good Omens Crack-fics [6]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Prompt Fill, Tide Pods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:28:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23186278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelPenguins/pseuds/PastelPenguins
Summary: For the prompt: Aziraphale learns modern slang and uses it in the worst and incorrect ways possible. In the middle of sex? *Oh, Crowley, Yeet your come inside me* In the middle of the store? *Dearest, I believe that cereal isn’t 420. See, expired.* Protecting his books? *I do believe we have no more copies of that, unfortunately. The clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the vendors.*
Series: Good Omens Crack-fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789609
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Forbidden gushers

Aziraphale had just gotten back to the bookshop and put away the groceries he bought when Crowley walked into the kitchenette. He had just opened a container of delightfully colored gummies when said demon proceeded to gasp, stride up to him, and slap the colorful treat he had just pulled out of the container from his hand.

“Crowley, for Someone’s sake, what has gotten into you?!” Aziraphale said agast while Crowley just stared at him like he was crazy.

“Keeping you from discorporating apparently!”

“Oh my dear boy, why would I discorporat from enjoying a gusher? The humans do it all the time.” Aziraphale frowned and reached for another only to have that one smacked from his hand as well.

“Excuse you!” Aziraphale gasped again and Crowley just grabbed the container, holding it out of reach.

“How...These are not gushers, angel! They dont even say gushers on the box!” Aziraphale rolled his eyes while sighing and then folded his arms in front of himself.

“Yes, obviously because they are the forbidden ones.” He said matter of factly, as if this was obvious and Crowley groaned.

“Aziraphale you do know that is just a joke the humans make, right? These will literally kill you...well didcorporat, they’d kill a human.” Crowley frowned, moving the container further back and Aziraphale scoffed.

“Is that what you believe? Crowley that’s just a myth that the...oh what did those young men call them...ah, yes. A myth the haters made up.” Aziraphale answered and reached forward to try and grab the container of forbidden gushers, or more commonly known as Tide Pods, from Crowley who backed up a step.

“I can’t believe we are even having this conversation. I can’t believe you even said any of those words in a real conversation. Aziraphale, please tell me this is just some elaborate joke.” Crowley couldn’t believe he just found out that Aziraphale could even do something worse than magic, but here it is, modern slang. 

“Of course not, my dear boy. You of all people should know all about “dabbing on those haters”, now let me stick it to the man and enjoy my snacks.” Aziraphale pouted and made to grabe for the tide pods again as Crowley groaned painfully and almost didn’t get out of the way in time to keep Aziraphale from getting them.

“Crowley, honestly now, even if what you said was true, we are immortal beings. Therefore they will not kill us!” Aziraphale said impatiently and Crowley hissed, jumping over the counter to put a barrier between the two of them.

“Yes, but your corporation * _ is not*!”  _ Crowley said with another hiss and Aziraphale, fed up, shed his corporation in a single motion. The act of seeing Aziraphale trulynaked out of nowhere caused Crowley to lose his grip and allowed Aziraphale to quickly grab the container and pour it’s contents into his mouth. Once Aziraphale swallowed them he slammed the container onto the counter and started to turn green.

“Oh...oh my dear you were right about that not being food.” A burp had a few bubbles leave him and he started to tint green.

“Who makes soap look that appetizing. _Why_ would someone make soap like that?” Crowley just stared at him in horror as more bubbles left him.

“Is this what Eve felt like after eating the apple?!” Aziraphale whined. 

Crowley regretted inspiring the design for these, he really shouldn’t have gotten drunk during some of his temptations. 


End file.
